Cliff Diving into Fire Emblem and Hitting my Head on a Rock and Dying

You know the feeling when you have a gaming itch that you can’t scratch? I’ve been scratching my head, back, and ass, damn near constantly, but haven’t been able to reach it.

With the recent release of Fire Emblem Fates, my interest has been more than piqued, though I regret to inform that I’ve never given the series a shot. And this is a series that has been around since practically the dawn of video game times, with a huge catalog to show for it. Before going and dropping cash on Fire Emblem Awakening, the starting point which was recommended to me if I were to play on the 3DS, I decided I’d make damn well sure that I was going to enjoy this style of gameplay.

I had played the demo for Awakening and thought it was pretty great, honestly, but the rating for the game time was obnoxiously high for what seemed like one long story. Really, that’s where I got held up – it seems to be pieces of a story held together by minigames. And of course, those minigames are the battles. And to be quite clear, I’m not really a big story guy. My attention span is roughly as long as one of a honey badger. I forget someone’s name 2 seconds after I meet them – I can’t remember a complex story for weeks at a time.

In order to mitigate a possibly poor financial decision, I opted to obtain through questionable channels a copy of Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance. Although I wasn’t spending that kind of cash anyway, cause the fucker is $100+ on eBay. It had a relatively short completion time rating, and since I’d been quite enjoying my time with my modded Wii console lately, it’d give me another excuse to fiddle around with a Gamecube controller that I love so much. I yearn for those controller days, Nintendo!


As of today, I’ve logged only 6 hours in the game. Of course, that’s only what the main menu tells me next to my save file, and that number is obviously a bunch of bullshit. I would guess I’ve probably logged a little over 10 hours so far, but the sheer number of times I’ve gotten ganked by bad luck and forced into a game over keeps resetting the play timer.

This is a topic to expand upon another day, but something about a GAME OVER screen tells my brain, “ok, you’re done with this for today.” I don’t need to be gently patted on the head and have a game whisper in my ear “everything will be alright, Geddy,” while it does weird things to my butt, but there’s something very final about a Game Over screen. Especially when I realized I’ve just wasted 45 minutes of my life.

This motherfucker.
This fucking screen.

It might as well just say “Night Over,” since with my gaming time limited enough as it is, burning nearly an hour is catastrophic. I cannot play games where there’s a chance that I’ll waste the whole night. Why? Because then my minute-to-minute gameplay consists of me sweating and stressing, because the whole thing might be a waste of time, which is a great way to completely resent a game and hate everything. Nothing enjoyable about that.

I’ll be shelving Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance for the time being, but I might be returning to it later. I honestly think my main fear turned out to be true – I’m not a strategy guy. I’m an action-RPG man. It’s time to embrace that personal trait and focus on my new love, which I’ll be writing about soon enough.


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